garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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