it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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