Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can feel your judgement through the phone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
