Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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