At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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