oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
