i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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