Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
