His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
