I think I am morally bankrupt
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
