I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
