I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
