i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
