so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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