I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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