you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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