Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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