Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
