He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
