he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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