You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
