I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
