i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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