the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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