If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
