i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
