Cold hands, warm shart.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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