My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you would pick up someone in the library
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
