A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
