I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you never un-have a 4some
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
