Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
