I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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