It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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