I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
