apparently the secret to your success is patron
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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