is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
