I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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