"it" just moved
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
