let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize
