Fine. I'll sleep in my office
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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