If i come over, it means nothing
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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