Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
