I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
