the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
