Im at strip club and am horny
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
