so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
