I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
