thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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