Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
