Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
